Helicopter leaves.

Springtime is a wonderful thing. You go to sleep to the cold wind and lonely bark, and you wake up to the delicate blooms and curious grass. This is my favorite time of the entire year. I've got spring-fever. Everything seems so alive. And life is something I cherish everyday.

I haven't blogged in awhile. Honestly (and sadly enough), I'd rather write for myself instead of sharing my thoughts with others. Especially those who I do not know personally. I guess if I wish to make a slight impression in the world (like almost everyone dreams of doing in one way or another), I'm going to have to learn how to share my thoughts with other people. I confess: I am an introvert.
You know, I think a lot. I have nothing else to talk about so I guess I will enlighten (haha) you with a rant about absolutely nothing. That's what I do best.
My friend and I were talking the other day. In the midst of a semi-interesting conversation, we both fell silent and sat staring at the ceiling. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own thoughts that I think my thoughts are just a continuation of the conversation. I said, "Where do thoughts come from?"
"I don't know. Your nervous system?"
"Like, how are we capable of feeling so much emotion and holding so many thoughts in our minds?"
"I don't know."
"Me neither."
Silence.
It's impossible to think of a color that doesn't exist. Every color you think of is a color.
We are constantly reacting to the various stimuli in our environments. One tiny variation could cause us to become confused, scared, happy, sad, you know, the works. How are we capable of reproducing that emotion later on just by thinking about the experience? Thinking is weird.
Is crazy just taking in too many stimuli, emotions, and thoughts at once? We never really know anything. Even the smartest people in history were just guessing. Making intelligent assumptions based on what seemed logical at the time. We are all just wandering around on this earth without a clue as to what's really going on. We are all naive and oblivious creatures that thrive off hope, love, and faith. I like the thought that we are all just human. No one is really superior to another. Think about it. No one knows "more" than anyone else. We are all just hoping our truth is THE truth.
We'll see one day.

Until then, I will try to live my life in consideration of everyone. I am not superior to anyone. We all share the same thoughts. Life is so great.

Have I commented on how much I love the springtime? Well, I do. Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. ...i really miss that little phrase.

wet eyes

I haven't cried in a really really long time. But, sometimes, crying feels so wonderful. I cried tonight for the first time in who knows when. I cried for everything. And let me tell you, having a mother who listens is one of the many blessing in my life. I love her more than the world. She gave me incredible advice for making it through life in one piece. I have trouble understanding life and people sometimes. We are all here and no one can make you happy unless you let them. No one can make you sad unless you let them. In all truth, you are responsible for your own happiness, your own emotions. I worry a lot, about a lot. That is just my personality. Pleasing everyone is impossible. That is the truth. You either make everyone else happy, while you neglect your own happiness, or you find a balance of both. Making people happy while also making yourself happy. I also need to learn when to say NO. You cannot do everything.
I sometimes wish that I lived back when text messages, emails, television, cars, radios, walkie-talkies, and telephones did not exist. Instant communication is a cause for a lot of problems and drama. When letters and carriages were the only forms of communication, people put a lot more thought into what they were saying. I am guessing here, since I didn't live back then.
No matter what I do or say, however, I know that my family will always love me. Unconditional love is a rarity.
When I get down, I can rely on my mom, a samoa girlscout cookie, a hot bath, and some Jack Johnson ukulele to calm me and put me back into that happy place. And I hope that never changes.
Goodnight, and happy dreams. When you feel down, run to the things you love. No matter how far away they may be.


"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt
what an incredible woman.

In my opinion, seventeen is the best age to be. Sure teenagers have a bad reputation in general (oh, so many stereotypes), but i love life right now. I love being a teenager. I love being young. I have crucial years ahead of me and I want to spend my time in the best way possible. I want to accomplish and experience wonderful things in my life. I just feel happy to be alive.
Anyways, one of my most favorite times is late at night, while everyone else in the house is asleep, with just me, the TV, and homemade peanut-butter and nutella crackers. I have gotten into the habit of watching "Roseanne" too. You now how you sometimes associate different foods with whatever you happen to be watching on television? Well for me, Roseanne = peanut-butter and nutella crackers. My favorite.
I am going to write a book entitled "50 Irrational Theories." It is going to be a list of numerous irrational, nonsensical theories about the universe and the lives we live in it. I am working on finishing what I begin... This is only one project of many that I probably will not finish. (One thing about myself that I am ashamed of: not being able to finish what I start.)
Tomorrow is Sunday already? I have hand bell practice in the morning. Although I am playing alongside a bunch of old women, I absolutely love it. I thought I would dislike it, but I feel like I am a part of something unique. I love being able to create a harmony of chimes with a group of women who each play their own note. Plus, every time I fumble with the correct notes, I imagine the little Miis on WiiMusic and the faces that they make when you mess up.
I really like making people feel happy. When other people are happy, I am happy. That is just the way my brain works.
I guess I will end on the same note as I began. I love life and its joys, hardships, laughs, cries, heartbreaks, loves, tribulations, tests, and moments of infinitude.
p.s. Thank you for taking the time to read my random rant. I can be spacey sometimes.
تصبح على خير
tossbiheena 'ala khayr
goodnight

Insomnia

Sometimes I wonder how people get by in life without genuinely knowing the people who are supposedly close to them: knowing their personalities and what makes them tick, knowing when their smile is a plastered-on-phony, knowing how to make them feel better, knowing how to make them laugh with their whole being, knowing how to comfort them, knowing what their most deepest thoughts are, knowing their most valuable dream in life, or knowing how to love them.
With each and every meaningful relationship in my life, I want to unconditionally and unequivocally know them. I like to think that I am pretty good at understanding people. But at times, I am awful at understanding. I just think that whole-hearted relationships in life are unmistakeably important. My mother. My father. My sister and brother. My grandparents. My friends. Everyone I love.
I have trouble sleeping these days. Maybe I just like the feeling of staying up late... I tend to think more clearly at night.




"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath."
-Regina Spektor "On the Radio"

Sundays

So, here is the essence of my day so far:



sleep.
hot tea with honey.
flour tortillas.
robatussin.
being in denial that it looks so gloomy outside.
a warm blanket.
"The Lightning Thief."
piano music.
leggings.
my dog Anna.
and socks.


I would have gone to church this morning because I had bell practice at 9:00 (which i was looking forward to), BUT when I woke up this morning, I felt awful. ...stupid cold. My throat hurts, my nose hurts, my ears hurt, my head hurts, my coughs are pathetic. You know those kind of coughs that are legit, the ones that make you think "man, that person is really sick. Poor thing." Well, mine are not like that. It is just like I have an inevitable tickle in my throat. I really do not like the wintertime. The gloominess of the day is not making me feel any better.
The summer is just a time of overall well-being. I cannot wait until my freckles are back.
I am reading "The Lightning Thief" and so far, the story has been very interesting. However, if you are looking for a book to really catch your attention and alter your way of thinking, check out "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer. BEST BOOK EVER. (In my opinion at least. You may think of it to be completely pointless. I would hope otherwise though.)
I learned some more Arabic. "Bella habin" is what "Don't be stupid" sounds like. That is not how you spell it though. "BELLA HABIN. BELLA HABIN. BELLA HABIN."
Anyways, I am off to sleep some more, drink some more tea, read some more book, and concentrate of becoming more motivated to apply for scholarships.
P.s. I really can't wait for the ACT scores to come back. I feel like I conquered it yesterday. We'll see.

With much love. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday. Ma'assalama!

Dario Marianelli

This is the most beautiful composition in the world. He is a genius.

I am ashamed to say that I quit piano lessons when I was younger, but I am determined to take some lessons this summer. Sitting down at the piano is a comfort to me. It is so beautiful. Classical piano pieces are inspirational, are they not? Piano music, hot tea, a good book, sunshine, spearmint, homemade chicken and dumplins: all my comforts.

enjoy the sounds:



:)

First thing I must say is...

I SHOULD BE ASLEEP RIGHT NOW.